On Saturday, Andrew and I intended to take the girls to the 6pm service at church. I had been having one of those “Super Mom” days and feeling pretty good! We all actually got out of our pajamas and went running in the new BOB… what’s that all about? What happened to waffles and cartoons, Mom? Afterwards, we went to Lifeway to meet Bob and Larry, our favorite Veggie Tales vegetables. We ran into Michael’s to gather materials to make cow costumes for Cow Day, and our day was going just as anticipated until the washing machine stopped spinning. Literally.
Needless to say we didn’t make it to the 6pm service, and decided to try the 9:30am service on Sunday morning! Did we make that one? Nope! Did we make the 11:15 service? Yes. And it was only by the Grace of God. This is why…
I didn’t like anything I tried on. Absolutely nothing.
I finally settled on something, all the while my poor husband is attempting (and he successfully accomplished the task by the way!) to dress two little girls (who both had a blowout at the same time…) for church (in an outfit that takes a week to put on…) Bless his soul. I believe this experience left him traumatized when it was all said and done. I hung him out to dry in complicated outfits, hair accessories, and dirty diapers. I should have been helping him with the girls, but I was way too concerned over what I looked like.
On the way to church, this was my thought process: “I wish my closet, outfits, and shoes looked like what I have pinned on Pinterest. I wish my body looked like the results of all the workouts I have pinned. I wish our house was a replica of pins…man, we could really use some more square footage with two infants ready to make a move. Speaking of house, I really need to get on that cleaning schedule I pinned recently. And those activities I pinned for the girls? I wish I had more time in my day to just do everything I wanted to do. Maybe they’d be developing better if I did those activities that other Mom was doing. I really need to get them on a better schedule…maybe I will search a pin for that later.” You get the idea. Clearly, not where my head or my heart needed to be.
In that ten minute ride, I could have been talking to my husband about how The Lord was preparing his heart for the message and apologizing for the fiasco I just put him through. Instead, I was swimming in a pool of self-pity, doubt, fear, and frustration.
Well, God showed up in a mighty way before me at Hope Community Church yesterday morning. For the past few weeks, Hope has been doing a series called “Hope Blockbusters”. Through this series, we have heard the ‘epic tales’ of Adam, Moses, Abraham, and Esther. Yesterday, we heard about David.
Campus Pastor, Jason Gore, began his message with this passage from 1 Samuel 16:7. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Well then! THAT got my attention!
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I was extremely awkward as a teenager. Unruly curly hair I didn’t know how to maintain, braces on jacked-up teeth, cat eye glasses, and the latest Goody’s trends… I was hot. A hot mess! My parents read this verse to me many times as they raised me through my teenage years.Yesterday, it brought a new meaning to my life as I am struggling with my new image as a young mom with stretch marks, wider hips, and a pooch that I am convinced will be a permanent fanny pack.
Pastor Jason continued and asked us, “What are the GIANTS in your life?” To hear the rest of his sermon about David, click here.
Here’s the reality. I face many different giants on a daily basis. Doubt. Fear. Busyness. Opinions. Critics. Food. Pressure. Even… social media. I get swept up in the ‘Utopia World’ that I have built on Pinterest for myself: a perfect house, a gargantuan closet filled with the best wardrobe ever, my ideal body, the most delicious dishes I would prepare in my up-to-date stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, gourmet kitchen, and the most adorable smocked clothes for Amelia and Leah… all of which would be seen in the cutest photography poses of course. The same holds true to Facebook, Instagram, and Bloglovin’. I am quick to compare myself as a mom and a wife: what I should look like, dress like, be like, how I should parent, what activities do I need to be doing with my kids, etc.
This is not living. These are excuses to living a beautifully, full life. Y’all, life is not pinnable. It’s really messy. God calls us into things that just don’t make sense sometimes. For example, I wouldn’t have “pinned” unexpectedly having twin daughters at 24 and 22, and managing life 30 lbs. heavier for a family of four in a 978 sq. ft. apartment.
These giants of mine? They aren’t going to go away by continuing to create my perfect life on Pinterest. They aren’t going to go away by flipping through Bloglovin’ getting new ideas on parenting, fashion, and meal planning. They aren’t going to go away by scrolling through Instagram and comparing myself to others. You see, the thing about giants is they don’t show up once and leave. They will continue to come back until they are defeated.
David defeated Goliath with his unshakable faith and confidence in God. He had a sling and a stone. He may not have had the spear, shield, or metal armor, but David experienced victory the moment he put his trust in God.
In the past year, my confidence in God’s purpose and provision has been questioned, tried, and rejuvenated. What a year! I have seen Him bring the most beautiful, incredible light to a scary and dark place. I have seen Him perform miracles. Through our journey, I saw this as our story. It is not. We have the honor in living God’s epic story. The reality of this story and living in God’s grace is better than any picture-perfect Pinterest life.
So, welcome to my not-so pinterest life. It is full of ups, downs, and washing machines that need a little fixin’ every now and then. It’s fully of dirty dishes, loads of laundry, and toilets that need to be cleaned. It’s full of scattered schedules, attempts at a bedtime routine, and twice the drool. It’s full of ice cream (not Reduced Fat), jeans that are a little snug, and eyebrows that need waxing. But, it is also full of abundant love, laughter, and God’s amazing grace.
I encourage you to face your giants today wherever you are in your life. Do not let doubt, fear, or pressure defeat your capability to living a life that God is calling you to live.
Let’s lift our eyes to God’s provision. It’s time to discover what happens when we choose to open our heart, and our hands to each God-given moment.
I bet it will be better than anything we can pin on Pinterest.